Thursday, July 13, 2006

Dah jatuh ditimpa tangga...

Apakan daya... Nasib sungguh tak menyebelahi daku..
(Jiwangnya aku.. takbleh angkat!!)

Back to de point. I lost my digicam yesterday. Actually someone stole it. Just a little carelessness on my part and this is the price I have to pay.

It saddens me that someone in school can actually sneak into the classroom and steal it. It was my mistake. I left in a basket on the table and forgot to take it when I got out. 1 hr later, it was gone.

It's not the camera that I care. It's the pictures I have in it. All photos of my little one since he was 1 mth. Now he's already 5 mths old n there's no way I can get back the photos. The camera may be replaceable, but the photos are priceless. I had taken and collected month by month photos of Daanish for my photo frame. Now what do I have left? It really saddens me.

I searched high n low, in n out throughout the whole school, hoping to miraculously find it somewhere. But all to no avail. I asked the teachers, the security, the school attendants. But no one seem to see it anywhere.

The thief must be really quick n cunning. The temptation must be too great. The chance to own a new sleek camera must be too irresistable. Too hard to let go.

If I can talk to the thief, I wish I can say, you can have the camera but please return me the photos. I beg of you. Please... This is a desperate plea from a mother who yearns to have a keepsake of her baby. Why must you be so cruel?

I can say no more. With each passing minute, each passing hour, the hope of getting back my camera depletes. There's not even 1 second that I can forget about the photos.

Again, it's not about the camera. It's the photos that I desperately want back.

And again, I'm not having any good rest. Couldn't sleep thinkin about the incident. How can I be so careless? How can someone in school be so cruel?

AAARRGGHHH!!!!

What de fuck. It was my fault. Why cry over spilled milk?

After that day, I was supposed to go shopping with my fren, Ain, but becos she got off work late, we didn't meet.

Ain got a COACH wristlet too. Welcome to the club beb! Yang lain tu bila lagi? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Nice right, Ain??? So happy for u. So happy for me. I know you lookin at ur COACH now and smiling like kambing rite?? Admit it! Coz I did. Haha. They ought to gimme commission for advertising their product on my blog and for making a sale. Like sell tupperware like that... It would've been a good therapy if I'd gone with u.

But Kiddy Palace is good enough. Hey, when it comes to retail therapy, the place does not matter. Shopped myself crazy with a colleague of mine. Thanks Hus for accompanying me. I tell you, when mothers shop, it's always child over self. Correct not Hus?

So anyway, back to reality. Going to school really breaks my heart now. As I walk to the classroom, canteen, staff room, toilet, where ever, I would glance at the bushes, on top of cupboards, behind tables, in the dustbin, practically everywhere lah. Just hoping that I can find it. Hoping that the thief mite hide it somewhr 1st b4 bringin back, for fear of being spotchecked. Hoping that anyone, anywho, anyhow, somehow I can get it back.

Still hoping... Till I can't hope no more...

Pooped @ 10:30 AM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I love the 12th

It PAY DAY tomorrow...!!!

Like finally..


SALARY

+

BONUS

+

xtra $220

_____________________________
= FAT BANK ACCOUNT
___________________________


Ahh...
Life can bring u to the dumps sometimes,
but this is just one of those things that
can make any tom, dick or harry smile
like kambing.

Come Mr. Tomorrow...

Lai...

Thou shalt maketh me a happy woman

Pooped @ 9:08 AM

Saturday, July 08, 2006

I'm not strong..

Been very depressed lately. My mind's in a mess. I've been thinking about so many things and getting myself stressed up over them.

Kita hanya boleh merancang, tetapi Tuhan yang menentukan. If He wants something to happen, it will happen. Kun fa ya kun.

Nobody can understand what I'm going through. They can onli say they do, but they don't. People can say so many things, in front of you, and behind your back. But they can never understand what's going on.

Nobody will know how many sleepless night I've had. Nobody knows how often these tears have flowed down the cheeks, on the pillows, in the day, at night, in my prayers... Not even the one who sleeps beside me every night. Only God knows.

I'm an emotional wreck. I refuse to believe that this is depression. But I think I'm mentally and physically tired.

It can get tough juggling family life and career. It doesn't help that Daanish still wakes up in the middle of the night. Just last night he woke up 4 times. I envy mothers who have an easy time taking care of their babies. I'm not complaining. This is not the reason for my mental unstability. In fact, he's such a joy to be with. I love playing with him. He's the cause for my smiles and laughter. I love him so much. I do believe babies who are difficult to take care of now, will make your life easy when they grow up. I'm one.

Yeah really. I can't recall how many bzgegillion times I hear my mom telling people how I wail every time it's sunset. How often I wake up at night. How I can cry for hours non-stop. How she fainted at work coz she didn't have enough rest. How she handled me by herself coz dad was too scared to carry babies. He still is scared. He does not lift even a finger of newborn babies, and only will carry when they are strong enough to crawl.

So anyway, I'm not complaining. This is just pouring out of the heart.

I'm in a fragile state of mind. Tears can just flow.

Thanks to a colleague of mine for listening. Coz we share our problems. Yesterday we went out to town. And what do girls do when they are depressed? Shop!

Retail therapy works wonders for us girls. Agree?

We popped into boutiques just to window shop at first. And then we saw, and we fell in love. With this:

A COACH wristlet. The new arrival.

We got so excited. Like school girls. So embarassing. But who the hell cares! I got one. She got one. I'm happy. She's happy. Coz the price is so affordable. For me at least. I have a family, so can't really splurge much. And I'm not a material girl sort. So this is like something special. I'll always remember the reason behind buying this wristlet.

After that, I was happy. At least until I got home. Coz as I sit there all alone in the bus, I started to think again. Of my worries.

What am I to do? I pray to God to give me strength to go through this period of my life.

Pooped @ 11:20 AM